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Are you curious about becoming more assertive in the bedroom, and take the erotic games up a notch?
Look no further - here is your quick guide to how to become a skilled Mistress.

Why become a Mistress?

Because being a Mistress is fun! What exactly is it about powergames, that makes them such a heedy aphrodisiac?  In general there are three categories: first there is the joy of escaping into a fantasy world. Second, the sensual delight of the costumes, the risk and the physichal stimulation. Third, the bliss of sharing deep intimacy and trust with another person.

You may have some guilts about your fantasies to dominate your lover.

If you have long-standing fears or conflicts over sexual issues, do yourself the greatest possible kindness and see a therapist.  The process may be painful, but it can change your life. If you feel ready to jump out into your darker fantasies, go ahead. Just be playful about it, and respectful of limits.


Always establish a neutral (not sex-related) safe-word, that can be used by both, if the situation becomes too intense.  This is to be considered the emergency-brake, and should always be respected, no exceptions. Have a talk about why the situation triggered this response, to avoid future mishaps.


What kind of Domina are you?

Our society doesn’t have many open role-models for being a dominant female. Dangerous desires are easily packed away, and not thought openly about until we feel emotionally safe to bring them to light. Some sexual fantasies are very likely to be repressed, and have to be invited into the consicous realm. Can you remember a time where your more innocent and games and actions had an unconsicous dominant flair? Go back to them mentally, study the message in them. Is there something you can and want to bring back to your sex-life today? What roles are appealing to you - the Queen, the Amazonian, the stern head-Mistress, the wicked nurse… only your fantasy can set limits.


How to find your submissive?

Retrain your partner, if you have one.  Put words on your curiosity to explore this “darker and meaner” side of sex. There is a good chance, that if you have dominant side, your partner has already responded to it, unconsciously.

Strong, sexual women usually are partnered up with someone that is willing to be dominated. Even if they don’t admit to fantazising about serving a harsh Mistress, they might be intrigued by the idea.

If you are single, look for play partners at kinky dating apps and communities - Manifest, FetLife, Kinkoo are only a few examples.


Balance fantasy and reality!

Be aware that erotic games of dominance can have an altering effect on your personality. For the most part, it will be a positive change, you will become more assertive in other areas of life as well.  Such an increase in power is normal, but with all great power comes great responsibility, as a famous drag-queen put it…


Planning the scene

Planning the scene is the secret sauce to a succesful session of erotic dominance.  Know what the script is, even if you should leave plenty of room for improvisation.

Have your tools ready, and your costume, that may help you to feel powerful in the role.  Know how to use the whip, tie the knots and be as convincing as possible in your character.  Test it before! A fumbling Mistress will take the intensity down a little, however a good laugh is always welcome between lovers.  A blindfold and other sensory deprivation is a great, easy way to kick start a kinky session, as well as giving you tools for control.

Most of the game is psychological, and remember, your subject is more than willing. Use the laguage as a power tool, being verbal is very big part of being a successful Mistress. Combine power with pleasure, and you will have a faithful and happy servant. Remember, this is all about fantasies - so define what they really are, and start exploring them in real life.

-“Yes Mistress, may I have another one?”

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