FAQ – Kinks & Fetishes
Dirty Talk and Sexy Consent – how do I start talking?
Consent is about communication. About desire, lust and boundaries. There are many ways to secure consent, and developing consent with a partner can be an intimate and sexy experience. According to Ph.D. and sex podcaster Jess O'Reilly there is "nothing sexier than an enthusiastic partner who wants to explore sex with you". Telling your partner or partners about your fantasies, what turns you on, and what you want to do to them or want them to do to you, can be extremely arousing. In this way, dirty talk can be a very consent-oriented way of communicating - and not least sexy.
According to Lust Ladies, there is no better way to secure enthusiastic consent than via dirty talk. Getting the conversation going can feel overwhelming. But fear not. Talking about desires and boundaries is an art form that you cultivate throughout your life, and it requires courage, time and devotion. Throw yourself into it and get to know yourself and your partner better.
Try reading erotic short stories aloud to each other or delve into how-to literature on kinks or tantra with your partner. In this way, you start the conversation about pleasure and boundaries with something concrete as a starting point. If you have questions or need more inspiration, you are always welcome to pop into the shop for a chat or write to our sexologist here.
What is tantra?
Tantra has its roots in Indian religious-esoteric traditions and is also found within Buddhism, Hinduism and Taoism. Tantric sex is an erotic practice that connects spirituality and sexuality and emphasizes the importance of intimacy in any sexual experience. It is a way to shift the focus from quick orgasms and ejaculation to a focus on presence, slowness and sexual energy during sex – either with yourself or with a partner. Read more in our blog post “What is edging, tantra?”
BDSM – what is it?
First and foremost, BDSM is all about pleasure. It is a vast universe and you do not have to be into everything. On the contrary, BDSM gives you the opportunity to explore your sexuality and your desires – as long as you remember to play with a partner or partners you feel safe and comfortable with.
Bondage can be explored in many ways. You can play with physical restraint using silk ribbon, rope, cuffs or bondage tape.
Dominance is about power play. About exercising and handing over control. You play with the roles of dominant and submissive, where discipline and submission are part of the game. For this purpose, try using blindfolds, cuffs, spreader bars or ball gags as part of your play sessions.
Sadism concerns pleasure through inflicting pain on others. Masochism concerns pleasure through receiving pain. This is where the concept of impact play comes into play. It covers all forms of sexual practices that involve hitting or being hit in a safe and consensual way. Different accessories can be used for this purpose, such as a flogger, paddle, whip or cane. You could also try nipple clamps, cat nails or pinwheels.
When playing with whips, pain or restraint it is important that everybody involved have a good experience! Talk to your partner/partners especially before and after. Remember to check in as you go along and consider what you do for aftercare.
Top or bottom – or maybe switch?
In BDSM/kink communities you may encounter the question “Are you a top or a bottom?”. These concepts are typically linked to the queer community, but they are also applied in a general sexual context to describe your role preference.
A “top” is sexually dominant and enjoy having control. A “bottom” prefers to submit to pleasure and follow the top’s lead. Maybe you cannot see yourself only as a “top” or “bottom”. Here, the concept “switch” comes into play. As a “switch” you prefer to switch between power positions – depending on your desires and who you play with.
Great play can only be done when the bottom and the top are sensitive, empathetic, good communicators and in touch with their own needs and feelings.
Bondage – how to get started?
Bondage, restraint, fixation, shibari... dear play, many names. If you are interested in tying or letting yourself be tied up, we recommend that you start by tying wrists and/or ankles. You can use various types of accessories for bondage: soft silk ribbons, hemp or jute rope, bondage tape or cuffs (typically leather or steel).
When playing with bondage, safety is especially important. Never tie too tightly. There must always be room for two fingers between the band and the skin. And always remember to check in continuously with your bound partner during your play. For example, you can ask "Is it too tight?", "How does it feel?", "Are you ok?". Since getting tied and tying can be an intense experience, aftercare is also important. So, remember to check in with each other afterwards.
Impact play – how to get started?
Floggers, canes and whips are juicy tools to access pleasure in our whole body.
If you are a beginner, here are some basic ground rules. Always start out gently to gradually awaken the neural pathways and build anticipation. Never impact the internal organs, but rather primarily areas with large fat deposits such as buttocks, thighs and breasts. And remember, your imagination is the only limit to how you can use your sensory tools. For example, try starting with a feather or a flogger and move it around the whole body at different tempos, with different pressures and different movements. Or use your paddle or whip to send your partner into ecstasy, starting by tickling the feet, calves, thighs and balls with gentle smacks, then gradually increasing the intensity of your strokes in the areas where you can see and hear that your partner gives in and breaks out in screams of pleasure.
A good way to approach impact play is by using the traffic light method. Along the way, the performing party asks, "How does it feel?", to which the receiving party can answer green, yellow or red. In this way, it is easily indicated whether the intensity needs to be turned up or down or whether it is absolutely perfect as it is. In addition to communication, being particularly important during impact play, aftercare is just as central. A lot happens in the body and on the emotional level during impact play - actually during all BDSM play - and that's why it's super important to check in with each other afterwards. In this way, you strengthen the trust and create an improved foundation for all future play sessions
How should I care for and store latex?
Latex must be stored in a dark and cool place. It must not be exposed to direct sunlight or high temperatures. Latex is easy to maintain. After use, you can wash latex with lukewarm water and mild soap (without oil). Then, you hang it to dry (not in direct sunlight or too warm) and pat it dry with a soft cloth or towel. Before you pack your latex away, it is a good idea to dust with talcum powder. It will maintain the material and make it easier to put on your latex piece next time.